Archive for January, 2008

Orlando Cops Heart Kidnappers

4 people were arrested in conjunction with the recent string of robberies and kidnappings in downtown. In the linked article police say:

“The motivation seems to be money. They just needed money to live to pay the bills. They weren’t very arrogant. They weren’t your normal criminal element. They have no criminal histories at all. None of them.”

Awwwww. We should just feel sorry for these guys, they were just trying to earn a living, keep the lights on and food on the table. That is so freaking sweet I could f-ing cry. Cops… guys… what the hell is wrong with you? Are you seriously trying to muster up some sympathy for these parasites? For god’s sake, grow a pair! These are dirt bags, attacking, as in ATTACKING innocent people, threatening their lives and forcing them to hand over their hard earned money that, guess what, THEY use to put food on THEIR tables! And I have news for you, just because you keystone coppers with the golden hearts two sizes too big haven’t managed to catch them don’t mean they have no “criminal history.” I mean, just the fact that they are accused of a STRING of robberies and kidnappings shows they have a history of doing this in a serial manner.

Let me be the first to say, wow… just… wow.

Get Out That Vote!

Don’t forget–today is Voting Day here in Central Florida, and across the state, as we little people drop our big votes for the Presidential primary.

Orlandonians (still haven’t picked a word for us!) are also voting for Mayor…so unless you get out and vote, your neighbors are gonna think you’re a blowhard the next time you complain about the trash pickup.

If you don’t know where to go, look up your precinct and polling place here.

America…f*** yeah!

Bye bye

See you again next year… time to return to Vienna.

As a last picture… this warning sign…and the little fleeing pictographic man has a certain groove in is jump…


(Spotted at a Walmart.)

A bumper sticker that rocks


Location: Mall at Millennia, parking lot


A missing letter… and an almost philosophical question emerges…


Human Garbage Tries to Kill Children

CARFLIP.jpgYou know, it’s not so much the rise in drug/gang related violence that makes me physically ill as it is this kind of garbage. Random families getting terrorized by psychopaths. It happens way more than it should in Orlando lately. These are the people who threaten to destroy our society, the true terrorists, and we need to work on permanently removing them from our midst. Flipping a car with 2 small children inside of over for Saturday night fun? They need to chair these bastards not once but twice when they catch them. This is just messed up.

Holy Grounds of Adventure Gaming

I’ve always been a big fan of adventure computer gaming and I’m doing research about the history of adventure gaming… not at least because I’m part of the production team of a graphic adventure game trilogy called “Soviet Unterzoegersdorf”.

Michael Donaldson (aka Q Burns ABstract Message) just informed me that Scott Adams, ‘inventor’ of the adventure game was based in Altamonte Springs when he was making and selling those early text-adventures. That’s not far from where I’m currently staying! I’m walking holy grounds! Ahhhhh!

News You Can Use…No, SERIOUSLY.

Intrepid Orlando Sentinel blogger Jason Garcia has breaking news on a critical issue vital to our very survival: Toilet paper at Orlando International Airport.

Orlando International Airport needs more of one of its most essential items: Toilet paper. The airport is seeking vendors who can sell it “large diameter bath tissue.” OIA wants to buy one-ply tissue, which must be provided on an “as-needed” basis.

First, let us all pray someone fills this void, and fills it NOW. It’s horrifying enough using airport bathrooms; imagine it without toilet paper, and it’s scarier than Cloverfield.

Next, I support OIA’s investment in “large diameter” bath tissue. Large diameter is probably always preferable to small, but ESPECIALLY when we’re talking toilet paper.

Then there’s this “as-needed” bit…YOU ALWAYS NEED TOILET PAPER. Always. Don’t be trying to save a couple bucks by running your supplies down to the bare bones over there. The wiping of the ass is not a privilege; it’s a RIGHT.

Finally, what’s this “one-ply” business? Are you serious?! I’m starting the protest outside terminal A after work:


See you there.

Virtual Culture?

The Greater Orlando area is rich in suburbia. And what would a real suburb be without innumerable Red Lobsters and Cracker Barrels? All of those themed restaurant experiences are economically beautiful mass-market simulacra of (mostly) obsolete institutions and cultural styles.
Just to be clear: I don’t believe in the concept of “authenticity”. So this isn’t crying about losing “history” or whatever.

An example:
I’m especially in love with Olive Garden, the virtual restaurant reality of Northwestern Italy.


On their menu, they feature a portrait of Olive Garden’s “Culinary Institute” in Tuscany. And they explain on their homepage that every year “approximately 100 Olive Garden managers travel to Italy to enhance their culinary skills as part of an ongoing training program designed to bring the genuine Italian dining experience alive for managers and, upon their return, to their restaurant teams and guests.”
That’s quite a useless carbon footprint, because in the ongoing battle of “authentic culture” vs. “demographic market surveys”, the latter most definitely wins, because people don’t want to dine in “Italy”, they want to dine in what they believe is Italy, they want to dine in a “feeling”. And that most definitely shapes the next generation of cultural simulacra.
An endless copy paste loop which does not lack — I have to admit — a certain peculiar beauty…


1.5 metric tons of metal and plastic, blessed by the Car God.


The good thing: the Car God has a direct broadband connection to your current president.

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