Yay to him for doing that!

Now, Murphy is thinking of doing another bathtub giveaway and is looking for suggestions, preferably holiday-themed. If you’ve got an idea — and believe me, he’s open for any challenge — head over and leave it in his blog’s comments. I voted for canned pumpkin since I love pumpkin pies and bread this time of year, plus, it’s good for the skin, which is handy if you plan to fill the tub with it.

Meanwhile, back home on the ranch, educators are getting the axe and citizens are getting billed for 911 calls. You screwed us Chuck, you really did.

Apparently, there are nutjobs out there who are raising monkeys like they were kids. They even call them “monkids.” Aw, how cute.

Lori Johnson was lonely and depressed after her youngest son left home in 1992. She yearned for another child to love. So Johnson bought a baby monkey…

At Gemini Springs in DeBary recently, Johnson pushed “Jessy” around in a toy-filled red stroller, a sight that drew attention. “Hey, it’s a real monkey,” hollered one youngster, who did a double take.

Johnson replied with a grin: “That’s not a monkey; that’s my kid.”

Oh, you’re funny, you are. Equating a living, breathing, thinking HUMAN child with your self-indulgent whim to own and raise a freaking MONKEY. And you actually HAVE a real kid? Good gravy.

I notice this all the time–batty women (not usually men) who paste pictures of their pets up in their cubicles at work, maybe Fluffy or Spot sitting on Santa’s lap at Petco, and refer to these animals as their “kids.”

I’m sorry–I have a kid, and I’ve had pets, and PETS ARE NOT KIDS.

I know it’s easy to love a dog, or a cat, or even a monkey–I’ve been there myself. It’s only natural to develop bonds with these animals and I do believe the animals themselves share some sense of feeling and emotion and attachment. (Well, except cats–the only cats I ever knew were attached to their owners as long as the food, water, and litter kept coming. Those are some ruthless-ass beasts.)

BUT THEY’RE NOT HUMAN.

When we get a dog, and it dies, it will be upsetting, and I will be shaken, and “what a shame” and all that. Then I’ll get another dog, and life will go on.

If my daughter were to die, you would be RIPPING OUT PART OF MY SOUL.

So newsflash, people: “Monkids” are NOT KIDS; neither is Fluffy or Spot. Calling them “my kids” is not charming or amusing; it’s creepy and weird.

Cause now that Orlando has had a few days to mourn the departure of Wendy Chioji, I think it’s time to address the future, and it is this:

Of course, that writing’s been on the wall long before Chioji’s departure…and I know Wendy seems to be playing it all cool. But then there’s this, from the Sentinel:

Last year, Sugalski took Chioji’s high-profile spot on the 11 p.m. news. They have co-anchored at 4 p.m. weekdays, and Chioji has been solo at 6.

Friends say Chioji was dismayed at Sugalski’s increased visibility; Chioji would not comment. But viewers started weighing in on what they saw as a changing of the guard.

I think the most notable bit in there is of course not what is said, but what remains unsaid–I mean, if Chioji was all right with the Sugalski Shuffle, then why not just toss out even a weak quote to diffuse the situation? Instead, the “no comment” is basically a “that skank took my job” without saying “Oh, by the way, THAT SKANK TOOK MY JOB, and you can quote me on that.”

Then there’s that last sentence, which is a bit of an understatement. Anecdotally, I’ve heard plenty of locals complaining about Martha; the word “stripper” has been invoked, on more than one occasion.

If you need more concrete proof, take a gander at the Sentinel’s legendary Ticked Off section, where it seems as though there’s a pretty consistent stream of venting about Ms. Sugalski. Here’s a classic from April 1:

I don’t watch Channel 35 morning news any more. I can’t stand Heidi’s rat tail when she turns her head. The same goes for Channel 2’s Martha. They need to take a look at the great new hairdo Andrea Jackson has on the daily news.

“Rat tail”? No, tell us what you REALLY think.

What did Martha ever do to y’all? The business of TV news is cyclical, and if Wendy Chioji has managed to stay in the same market at the same station for 20 years, then good for her. She’s leaving now. It doesn’t make Sugalski the villain of the story; it just means time marches on, and people change. Would you prefer an empty chair, draped in black, reserved for the Spirit of Chioji in her absence? Maybe a nightly satellite link-up so she can give us updates on how great her bike shop is doing?

I’m taking a stand. I’m not native to Orlando; I just moved here two years ago, and so I hold no allegiance to Team Wendy. She seems to do a nice job, and she seems to be a nice enough person.

But I’ve always enjoyed rooting for the underdog, so my choice is clear. Mark my words, Orlandonians: From this moment forward, I’m on Team Martha.

I’m excited to be here because I can’t wait to tell you all about my adorable daughter, my exciting job in the fast-paced world of corporate soul-selling, my intense and passionate love for Star Trek, too many pop bands to mention, reality television…

Oh, wait. This is about ORLANDO?

Well, I guess I’ll talk about that, then.

Seriously, this should be fun, and if it isn’t, then it’s my fault, so I better damn well MAKE it fun, or we will turn this blog around right now and go straight home.

Since then members of Heimburg’s family, especially his mother Patricia Small, have become staunch advocates of improving the safety of our city and combating the increasing crime rate. Small was present recently at the presentation of Gov. Charlie Crist’s “Anti-Murder Act,” part of a $21.8 million proposal designed to jail repeat offenders who violate their probation. Small also joined the Guardian Angels in early January. The family also held a blood drive last year in Noel’s honor and set up a memorial website to remember him. Currently Patricia Small has become involved with the League of Women Voters and they plan to meet with our state senators in Tallahassee on March 18-19 to talk about juvenile justice. It is believed that the man that murdered Small’s son was only 16-years-old. Small and a group of other mothers in similar situations plan on taking advantage of Governor Charlie Crist’s open door policy and meeting with Crist, the head of the Department of Juvenile Justice Walter McNeal and Lt. Gov. Jeff Kottkamp to discuss the issue of juvenile justice. These are the efforts of a family that would see Noel remembered for the man and father he was, and to ensure his death not be in vain.

We all remember last year being the ‘Deadliest Year’ for Orlando and Orange County. By December 31st, 2006 there were 49 murders in Orlando, and 64 in unincorporated Orange County. Each one of those murders is someone’s son or daughter, someone’s mother or father; they are not statistics or mere numbers. Many of these cases sit shelved and unsolved. Many families are still without answers. Even the highly publicized case of Jennifer Kesse, the young former UCF student who disappeared last year, still has police left looking for answers.

What else can be done so that another family doesn’t have to go through what the Heimburg’s, the Kesse’s and many other families have had to go through? Floridians by nature want more spending on crime and crime prevention yet aren’t willing to deal with the tax cuts. We as citizens must be willing to accept a slight increase in taxes if we want our police force to be properly funded. Police forces are only as good as the manpower and money that is spent on them. An overworked, underpaid and understaffed police force is an ineffective one.

Just the fact that recent events have brought the attention of the Guardian Angels to our city sends chills up my spine. While I applaud and respect them for their pro-active efforts, I’m willing to bet that they wish their presence wasn’t necessary, and the fact that it is should send a message to the city that it needs to tighten its belt and rein in the crime in Orlando. If that means upsetting a few taxpayers in order to fund the police force, hire more officers and fund enforcement programs, then so be it.

Noel Heimburg should not be forgotten, nor the score of other murders last year. Each one is a tragic and disappointing blight on our city and we can only hope that we don’t have similar tragedies this year.

The Sentinel filed a story today on the further efforts of Patricia Small which includes an audio interview with Small where she talks about her son’s murder and her mission to combat crime in Central Florida.

If you have any information regarding this or other unsolved cases, please call CrimeLine at 407-423-8477.
See the Florida Blood Center for information on how you can donate to those that need it.

The Commission found probable cause to believe that KEVIN BEARY, Orange County Sheriff, had a conflict of interest when a corporation for which Beary served as President sold a domestic security product to the Florida Department of Law Enforcement (FDLE). At the time of the purchase, Beary also served as co-manager for an FDLE Regional Domestic Security Task Force. The Commission found probable cause that, because Beary was paid by the private corporation, he also had a prohibited employment relationship with an entity that was doing business with his agency (FDLE) and that the employment may have created a conflict between his private interests and the performance of his public duties as Sheriff and co-manager for FDLE’s Task Force.

The Commission also ruled that Beary may have misused his position and public resources by authorizing the use of Sheriff’s Office personnel, facilities, office equipment, and funds to pay for travel and office expenses during the development of the product, for the benefit of himself or others. Additionally, the Commission determined that there was probable cause to believe that information gained by Beary in his capacity as Sheriff and Task Force member may have been used for his personal benefit or the benefit of others.

Allegations that Beary solicited or accepted payments from the private corporation or that he knew or should have known that those payments were given to influence his official action as Sheriff or Task Force member were dismissed.

Ok so it’s not some scathing indictment of Sheriff Beary, but it reinforces the suspicion that he is a less than model Sheriff. Even if he’s not taking funds in order to influence action, the conflict of interest that arises by being a private security consultant and owner makes me a little uneasy.

Pat Campbell of 540W FLA asked a good question: If Beary used his position and department to produce a product, then shouldn’t all proceeds from that product belong to the taxpayers?

Something definitely smells.

Governor Jeb Bush unveiled his portrait at the governor’s mansion in which he included his Blackberry painted in right next to the portrait of his family. There’s nothing wrong with this, yet there’s something not wholly right either.

A week ago, the now-twenty year-old Orlando sports star was severely injured in a competition accident in Singapore. During the 2006 Wakeboard World Cup, she was attempting a “whirlybird” – a back flip as you hold on to the rope and rotate 360 degrees – when she fractured her leg in several places. During surgery, she developed what doctors are calling “acute respiratory distress syndrome” and is now breathing with the aid of a tube.

In high-impact sports like this, you always risk injury, but it seems her life is now being threatened by something which may or may not be unrelated to her sport. And wasn’t it Singapore that had the respiratory infection epidemic three years ago (SARS)?

My prayers go out to Dallas and her family and I hope she recovers fully.

Whatever happened to the search for Jennifer Keese. It seems like the case disappeared from the news yet no resolution was ever met. Did they find that ‘person if interest’? They keep on and on about that Natalee Holloway girl, but people seemed to have lost interest in this local case. If this girl is still missing and local detectives can’t seem to come to any conclusions, shouldn’t they call in the Feds like they do in the movies?