Angry? Who, us?

Thanks to Andie for this tip…

Gosh, somebody must’ve misplaced New York City, Detroit, and LA! According to this front-page reference to a Men’s Health article on AOL City Guides, Orlando is now the angriest city in America.

My first reaction was, “This is obviously propaganda placed by the Las Vegas Tourism Bureau, in another of their futile attempts to become the #1 tourist destination.”

But Sin City apparently has nothing to do with this (although I would not rule it out). The numbers were compiled based on assaults and violence, along with traffic CONGESTION–although not actual road rage, I notice. This explains how sleepy St. Petersburg ended up as #2 on their list. But not Tampa? Huh? Have you never seen the carnage at the intersection of I-4 and 275? Personally, I find this whole thing less than scientific.

Oh, sure, we’ve got a reputation as a tropical paradise, but as we all know, life around here ain’t all sunshine and margaritas. A few things that get Orlando steamed:

1.) The traffic.

2.) The traffic.

3.) The traffic.

4.) Theme park prices rise, but theme park WAGES do not. And no, a 13ยข per hour raise is not an appreciable increase.

5.) Tourists come here and do dumb things that make us look bad. Don’t tease the alligators, don’t jump out of moving Disney rides, don’t cross 6 lanes of traffic with no turn signal, don’t swing from your hotel balcony, don’t go surfing during a category-4 hurricane, and we’ll all stay out of the national headlines. OK?

6.) In order to listen to local radio, you must be under the age of 18 or over the age of 50. If you do not fit into these categories, there is very little on the airwaves that will appeal to you. Some stations show flashes of greatness, but on the whole…stick to your iPod.

7.) We pay insurance premiums we can’t afford for houses that we really, REALLY can’t afford.

8.) We love Northerners. Some of my favorite people were born up north. Shoot, I was born up there, come to think of it! It is not cool, however, for certain segments to bring their loudmouthed, caffeinated attitude into our ordinarily peaceful lives. As the bumper stickers so eloquently put it, “We don’t care how you do it up north.” It does not matter who you are or who you think you are–be nice.

9.) Church Street Station has been desecrated and no one cares. I still mourn Rosie’s.

10.) Above all else, we have been natural disaster-ed to death. I have come to believe that Florida was never meant to be inhabited by humans, which is why there is some new threat to the populace each and every year. Fires, floods, hurricanes, tornadoes…and all-new for 2006, earthquakes!

But we still have our good looks and our great winters…!

1 Comment so far

  1. Bill (unregistered) on September 18th, 2006 @ 6:48 pm

    Orlando is a different experience for different people. I’m between 18 and 50, and I can usually find something to listen to on the radio. Using my regular (not satellite, not HD) car radio, I can listen to 13 radio stations. If there’s not something on those, I’ll switch to an MP3 player. I wish Orlando had an eighties station, like Tampa’s 101.5 The Point (which can actually be heard in western parts of Orlando). Also, Orlando lacks a dance/techno station since 95.3 switched to hip hop.

    I was born and raised in Florida, so cold weather (snow, sleet, etc.) is a natural disaster for me :P Anywhere north of Gainesville is displeasurably cold, and Orlando is quite livable :)

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